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What Song does a Sermon make?

A prophet is the one who, when everyone else despairs, hopes. And when everyone else hopes, he despairs. You'll ask me why. It's because he has mastered the Great Secret: that the Wheel turns. Nikos Kazantzakis, the Last Temptation of Christ

My incredibly smart and fabulous friend Anna made a playlist for part of her final project on the prophet Jeremiah.  I'll have to post her playlist later, as I can't remember what is on it.  Belle & Sebastian, Damien Rice, just to name a couple.  As I sat reading Jeremiah this week, I realized why he is dubbed th "weeping prophet;" it's because he makes you want to cry.

As I started out, I thought the best musical and lyrical accoutrement was Elliot Smith. 

He definitely understands the anguish of the prophet, but what of the faith?  What of the hope? 

Jeremiah 20:7-13 is thought to be the most blasphemous complaint in all of scripture.  The prophet complains that God not only enticed but seduced him; that God didn't only overpower him, but, within the words of the text, "raped him."  How does one begin to convey that image of God?

The prophet teaches us about the nature of life in God, within the life of faith.  It's not roses and sunshine.  It's not the daily lottery or mountain-top experiences.  Sometimes, and more often than not, our lives in God lead us to the absurd, defy rationality and call us do things we would rather not do.  In Jeremiah's case, tell Israel, his beloved, God's beloved, that they were headed towards death.  From Abraham Heschel:

This, indeed, was the roost of his anguish[:] Those whom he loved he was called upon to condemn.  When the catastrophe came, and the enemy mercilessly killed men, women, and children, the prophet must have discovered that the agony was greater than the heart could feel, that his grief was more than his soul could weep for.

The prophet's complaints against God were grounded in trust and faith.  Blasphemous as they were, they were honest and they were real and they were accepted by God, the same God who had formed Jeremiah in the womb, the same God who knew Jeremiah since before he was born, this God accepted Jeremiah's complaint.  Jeremiah trusted this, just as Jeremiah trusted that God would be the one to deliver Israel from  their sins and mistrust.  Jeremiah ends his complaint in praise:

Sing to the Lord; praise the Lord!  For he has delivered the life of the needy from the hand of evildoers.

This week for me has brought more bad news than good.  A diagnosis of Congestive Heart Failure for my Mom, the news of suicide of one of my co-learners at the seminary, my nieces still-troubling health and constant seizures, the heart-breaking and untimely death of Mike, my sister-in-law's dearest cousin, who had fought with such courage against the Leukemia that overcame him today.  Life is fragile and there is no safeguard against that. 

I went to the Brandi Carlile concert on Wednesday night.  Per usual, yet for perhaps the last time on tour, Brandi finished the show with the Leonard Cohen classic "Hallelujah."  Jeff Buckley, of course, made this song great with his arrangement of vocals and music.  Everyone now seems to cover the Buckley version of the Cohen standard.  Anyway, as she sang words I've heard so many times, one simple lyric struck me as Jeremiah's confession:

Love is not a victory march,
it's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah.

That's the song of Jeremiah and that's the song of our hearts from time to time, hopefully not too often, but it's so true.  To be faithful does not mean to live your best life now or to live always with a purpose in front of you.  To be faithful means that, when the crap hits the fan, so to speak, that the words that escape from your lips, the only words that you can lift up is hallelujah, however cold, however broken, Hallelujah.

a lunch conversation

Dan (my brother and life-long friend): Wassup?
Jeni (me): Hummus.
Dan: Huh?
Jeni: Lunch.  You know, ground up chick peas mixed with olive oil & garlic.
Dan: That actually sounds pretty good.
Jeni: It is really goo, especially on a whole wheat pita or pita chips, also good with turkey on a sandwich.  Careful though, you might poop a falafel.
Dan: LOLOLOLOL

four more months!

Time is flying by!  We get married in 4 months!  Yay!

On Marriage :: Kahlil Gibran

Jan Reiner, who was present at the engagement along with her husband Bob, sent this poem to me.  I like it enough to keep it and to pass it on to you.  Thanks Jan. 

I can't wait to marry Colin!
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On Marriage

You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.
You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days.
Ay, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.

Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.

Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.

the story

I had the surprise of my life last Thursday.  I was to have dinner with Harl, my supervisor, his wife and the head couple of my internship committee, Bob & Jan Reiner.  According to Harl, this was tradition and that this date was the first on his schedule that would work.  Since I was being taken out, I decided to dress up and look the part.  The Reiners picked me up a little before 6 and we arrived at my favorite nice little restaurant here in town called The Outside Inn.  This is the place of surprises in Sierra Vista; in December, about 20 members of my church gathered in the back room for a surprise lunch as well as the gift of a beautiful pectoral cross that I wear now and will wear when I serve elsewhere. 

On this day, we were again taken to the back room and I was seated at the head of the table and Bob and Jan at my side and Judy, Harl's wife next to Jan.  Harl was running a little late, but showed up 10 minutes after us saying what a hectic day he had had.  He looked distressed but happy to be sitting down.  The thought that ran through my head was that it was funny that he had a camera cord that looked like my camera cord hanging from his pocket.  I didn't think anything of it because, after all, my camera was in Las Vegas, with Colin, my boyfriend of a little over two years. 

No less than two seconds later, someone came in and grabbed my shoulder.  My back was to the opening, so I couldn't see who it was, but I thought it was someone from the congregation who had seen Harl and so wanted to share some greetings with our group.  So, I didn't turn around.  Then the person walked to my side and I heard a man's voice say hello and I began to turn and say hello.  Then I saw that it was Colin who had arranged this whole dinner. 

Then my jaw hit the floor. 

Have you ever done a double take?  This was a double take of a lifetime!  I believe the words out of my mouth were, "Hi--Oh my gosh, Hi!  It's you!  And you're here!"  Then I jumped up out of my chair with eyes wide and smile bright.  He said he had come because he had a question for me and went into a beautiful spiel about how I'm his best friend and how he loves my family and my love for music and all of these wonderful things and he said he wanted to marry me, to which I said, "I want to marry you!" 

We got to spend the weekend together in Sierra Vista, I got to show him around and introduce him to the wonderful people in my congregation and life this year.  He also got to see my church as well as me at work!  It took me two days for me to really believe that this wasn't a dream and that we are really going to get married.

It was so fun to send out phone calls to family and text messages to some friends and then to change our relationship status on Facebook.  It's been fun to make plans with him.

The best part was that it was a complete surprise.  The second best part was that I got to say that Colin and Harl were  in cahoots! 

gettin' hitched!!!

too stoked for words!

where it's at

It's still strange to wake up and be in southeastern Arizona.  Regardless, all strangeness disappears when I step out of my front door and am greeted by the beautiful embrace of weather.   Sierra Vista is located in such an ecological bivouac that there is really no other place like it.  Here we are, situated at 4,ooo+ feet elevation, close enough to bodies of water to receive some rain, and surrounded by hills and mountains.  It's not a bad place to call home, and it's becoming my home. 

I left home on Friday to drive up to Phoenix to visit family and eat In & Out (my new favorite), and to see a friend and attend the Brandi Carlile concert.  This was the fifth time I've seen Brandi, and, as always, she did not disappoint.  This was her first headlining gig in Phoenix and surprisingly, the venue did not sell out.  There were very few people there.  Brandi offered new covers as well as old ones: in the past she's done Elton John's 60 Years On, but on Friday she did Madman Across the Water.  She also covered Folsom Prison Blues and Hallelujah.  She started the show on the piano.  She sang new songs.  She told new stories.  Apparently, she used to be Baptist.  She still creates a jaw-dropping amazement that confounds and inspires me.

I visited Phoenix on what was my first real day off.  I've enjoyed staying busy at the church and at the hospital.  Working has been a coping strategy as well as a reaching out strategy as I find myself in a new place.  It was a little hard to leave Sierra Vista, but the car ride up proved valuable; I pondered different writing projects that interest me, possible ways to effectively fulfill my internship project and the joy of life at the point in time.  It was good to take a break, but it was even better to come back and get back to it.  At this point I have a lot of excitement and am getting more and more ready to hit the ground running. 

For now, I've received a package from Sara, Alex's really neat girlfriend, full of past issues of Relevant Magazine, a magazine which examines God, life and progressive culture.  This will help me in my endeavors as I seek to engage the tension between pop culture and traditional culture. 

I'm feeling more and more like myself everyday and learning who I am when all of life's familiarities are far away.   It's definitely different, but I think it's definitely good. 

As far as music goes, I've had quite the eclectic weekend: Kanye West, Brandi Carlile, The New Pornographers in the car and in concert topped off with the local symphony on Saturday night and the church choir's sweet rendition of the old favorite "I'll Fly Away."  I'm excited to do some writing around the new Kanye West album "Graduation" and have been enjoying his new album which features samples from Elton John, Steely Dan and Daft Punk and also features the likes of Chris Martin of Coldplay on one track.  More to come.  I can't help but love the New Pornographers.  They have been my happy music for the past month.  I wish they had a different name for the band so that I could talk about them around the office.  Power pop at its finest, the New Pornographers offer great lyrics and melodies for the mature (read intelligent) mind.  Challengers is their newest and is quite rapidly becoming my album of the year.  I've just hooked up my computer and am now able to hear and listen to more new music.  Keep watch on this space!

Harry Potter + Ann Arbor = Awesomeness

Last weekend I picke dup a copy of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, read it, and took a day trip to Ann Arbor. It quite possibly was one of my favorite weekends of the summer. Colin was off in Vegas, learning more about his new internship congregation and getting to know the great people there, and I was in Tiffin with my new best friend, Kirby, and Colin's high school best friend, Mr. Gillig. Ben and I stood in line to get our copy of the book, went to get milkshakes at McDonalds, and sat for a cople of hours reading. I pooped out after a couple of hours, but Ben managed to stay up and read, and read, and read.

The next day came too early as I found myself rushing out the door in order to meet my friends Emily and Jim in Ann Arbor by 11 a.m. Emily & Jim are in my small group for CPE. Have I mentioned that my small group is great?! Jim and I butt heads a lot, but there is a lot of respect on both ends. Emily and I are like sisters from another mister, and though we do not look a like (as Natalie and I do) we have a very simillar trajectory in life. She goes to PLTS, Luther's partner school in the Western Mission Cluster. Anyway, we gt together to grab Indian food and to attend the Ann Arbor Art Fair. It is the largest in the country, I believe.

Some highlights:

(l-r) Steven Daniel, Audrey Heller, Marie Gruber

Though the fair offered much more than photographs, it was mostly photographs that caught my eye. I am really excited to take some photos next year on internship!

Later, I made my way to Zingerman's Deli, where I picked up some challa bread, kalamata olives and gorgonzola cheese. It was hectic; full of people and full of life! It is a must see, eat, experience in Ann Arbor.

I also made my way to Trader Joe's!

After all of this I even managed to see an old friend, Stephanie. I haven't seen her since we were in Freiburg together. She is pictured here, the one on the left, laughing.

On my way back from Ann Arbor I received a text message from Ben: what page are you on...I'm finished. He read the book in less than one full day! He won that round! It took me another day and a half to finish.

I've never had as much fun reading as I have with the Harry Potter series. I think I might start over from the beginning. Nothing has captured my imagination and focus more than this series. I don't want to spoil it for anyone who has not yet read the book, but I do want to say that I heart Neville Longbottom!

I have to say that I wasn't expecting a lot out of a weekend in which Colin was gone and I was left to Tiffin Ohio all by my lonesome, but with the help of a few friends, a great dog, and an incredible story, I did get by!

Three weeks to go before heading back to Minnesota and about four weeks until internship. It's hard not to look ahead, but here's to enjoying today!

Seasonal Feasting :: A Wedding, A Funeral

For everything there is a season and a time for every matter under heaven.

My friends Erin & Mitch were married today, Friday the 13th, a day that black cats and broken mirrors cannot touch superstitiuosly. But this particular Friday the 13th holds particular significance; Erin's grandparents were married 50 years prior on that same Friday the 13th. What a celebration: a new marriage, a golden anniversary!

I am sad that I couldn't be there. Being in Ohio doesn't afford for that. Nevertheless, through pictures and conversations with friends in attendance, the day was as beautiful as the bride.

Friday the 13th for me involved a funeral.

Last Sunday, one day after the flood, one day after musing about the ubiquitous page, call, tolling bell that seems to surround Colin's internship and my experience thereof, I received my first page, my first call. The bell was tolling for one of my patients.

The call came when I was as scrubby looking, hungry and active as possible. I was surprised to hear the phone ring, it never had before. In the car on my way to the grocery store, I fumbled toward my holster, flipped it open and sheepishly said, "This is Jeni." It was the nurse on call who asked if I could assist with a patient who was actively dying. A decision needed to be made and the family needed help in making it. I arrived 45 minutes later, cleaner, better looking, but still hungry for lunch. One hour and thirty minutes later, the patient breathed his last, surrounded by some family and one awkward yet calm chaplain.

They say you never forget your last death. I wonder if that is true. I guess time will tell.

I attended the funeral on Friday, a great service and a surprisingly good eulogy. The text was from Ecclesiastes 3, the same text used at my grandfather's funeral. The preacher talked about the different seasons in this man's life; a person's life is made up of seasons and seasons change. Nevertheless, God's promises don't change. God gives us our seasons, God is with us in our seasons, God brings us through our seasons, especially the season of death, and gives us life.

I find it pleasing to have had a funeral on this Friday the 13th, this same day as my friends' wedding, this same day as the 50th wedding anniversary, for these seasonal feastings are enveloped in God's great love which calls us all to the great feast, now and forever. While our seasons may be different, our lives woven at different times, at different places and with different materials, the promise remains: in Christ Jesus, God is with and for us and nothing can separate us from that.

finishing up, moving on, moving out

Friday was my last day of work.  I cleaned out my offices (yes, I seem to have accumulated more than one--though one is an office and one a desk), was treated to lunch by Alice and Victoria, and gladly put my feet up and cherished the thought of being done with something.  Colin and I met Matt and went to an old speak easy: the 5-8 Club.  My Grandma and I used to eat there when there was more time and better health.

Then came Saturday.  Saturday brought the beginning of the madness that is moving.  I was up until 1 a.m. packing and moving and shifting and sorting.  I think there is something to be said about the ascetic lifestyle.  I have too much stuff.  It was Jesse's birthday and so Erin and Mitch invited us over for dinner: Chicken Pot Pie and Mitch's favorite, Pumpkin Parfait.  Yum.  We missed Anna who is in Boston for the weekend.

Sunday wasn't so bad.  Sunday included a misfire on the church attending.  I woke up 9 minutes before church was to start and arrived only10 minutes late.  Then I realized that yesterday was Pentecost and after Pentecost we have only one service, at 9:30 and not 8.  I had planned on attending Mt. Olive at 8 and then Our Saviour's (Colin's church) afterwards.    I was sad to have missed the many goodbyesand well-wishes at Mt. O.  Thankfully I ran into Kate, who quite frankly is awesome.  Last week I had said goodbye to Redeemer.  What great churches.

Even with this disappointment, I was able to enjoy a nice leisurely breakfast before heading out to Colin's church they sang his praises on what was his last day of Youth Ministry.  While Colin was still on youth duty, Jesse and I grabbed lunch at the Town Hall Brewery on seven corners.  After we all hit a long nap, Jesse, Colin and I ventured to a Graduation BBQ for a couple of Sem friends and spent most of the night chatting with very beloved professors and very witty friends.  I missed Laura's party, which makes me a little sad.

At 4 a.m. tomorrow Jesse heads out to Denver for CPE.  At 6 a.m. Wednesday, Colin and I head out for Ohio.  I start CPE in a hospice center on Friday.

Life is hectic, life is beautiful.